Mind Your Own Business
I have a confession to make, and it’s not an easy one to put into print: I have an awful habit of giving unsolicited advice. (I can almost see the expressions of those who know me, “yeah no kidding.”)
It always starts the same way. I see someone I care about struggling, and my brain instantly goes into “help” mode. I genuinely do this out of love and to be helpful. But recently, that well-intended habit backfired.
I offered unsolicited advice to someone close to me, when all she needed was a listening ear.
It was a hard, incredibly impactful lesson. By God’s grace and a whole lot of humility, that relationship has been restored. But the sting of the situation prompted me to ask myself some really tough questions.
Why do I feel the need to fix other people’s lives? Why is it so hard to just let people walk their own path?
In my prayers about my frustration and my desire to change, I was led to a verse that hit me with total, undeniable conviction:
“...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business...” — 1 Thessalonians 4:11
This verse was just what I needed.
Typically, I associate the word ‘ambition’ with working towards something big, but in this verse, ambition is followed by leading a quiet life. This is something to strive for! We lead a quiet life by restraining ourselves in minding our own business. OUCH!
It convicted me so deeply that I grabbed an index card, wrote those words down, and have read that notecard every morning and throughout the day ever since. It is quickly becoming one of my legacy verses.
On the flipside, as a writer, this verse threw me for a loop at first. I found myself wondering: If I am supposed to lead a quiet life and mind my own business, how do I reconcile that with my calling to share my insights, stories, and experiences with others?
What I’m learning is that there is a vast difference between offering a map and trying to drive someone else’s car.
When I share my experiences I am simply opening up my life, laying out what God is teaching me, and inviting you to take what helps. It is an open door. But when I give unsolicited advice in my day-to-day relationships, I am trying to force my way into someone else’s driver’s seat. True ministry offers a testimony; it doesn’t steamroll over people.
I’d love to tell you I’ve completely freed myself of the urge to give my advice. I haven’t. It’s a daily practice of rewiring my brain. Every time I feel that familiar urge to chime in, I picture that index card. I remind myself that my assignment today is to lead a quiet life, not to manage someone else’s.
I am realizing that there is an incredible amount of freedom in dropping the “fix-it” role. It makes my relationships safer, my mind quieter, and life a lot lighter. Even better, I am trusting that God is big enough to guide me and others through our problems, if we would only ask Him.
So, for now I’m sticking to this verse. It’s a work in progress, but the view from a quiet life is already looking a lot brighter.
